Wednesday, June 25, 2014

the more or less you know

you make me mad sometimes because you think you know me. You dont.
Ive squared the circle, ive broken the wood in a whisper, and i might
be batman(i blackout sometimes, so this is actually plausable. Stop
laughing.) but i claim to know you, too, and we walk together in the
tall grass and butterflies. Hello mr. Hummingbird! Who is this you
ask-why just my friend.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

lessons learned from the original robocop...

first, most important: clarence bodicker doesnt like cops, and cops
dont like him. Also, when in detroit, dont miss a tigers game. Dig
that one. Coke between a womans breasts is pretty good. The lasting
lesson, the one i can never forget is 'good business is where you find
it'. Truer words never spoken, brothers. 1980s wasnt all bad.
Remember eddie murphy? This film speaks to me. Oh and punching a
television screen is great therapy; it acts as a fuse against worse
violence, like destroying a fleet of ed209's. But ive never faced
down ronnie cox at gunpoint with directive four echoing through my
circuits, so as they say, results may vary.

Saturday, June 14, 2014

That warm stuff beneath my wings.

what if i told you i had once broke wind with such force it lifted me
off the floor? This is unnatural, for i am a flightless fowl, capable
of only hovering a few feet off the ground for short distances.
Surely youve seen this. And yet i had accidentally discovered jet
power once. In my pants. Cause for consternation, for what other
epiphanies are a-waiting? My girlfriend will cut you right up the
middle. this old life is a funny, funny riddle. Will the old
theorems come to me this way? Newtonian principles? Time will tell,
my brothers; only time will tell.

Saturday, June 7, 2014

by my watch and ward, i could set my watch by the sound of you
crawling out of bed stumbling over our empty beer cans. Our children
you say, may the rest on the floor, until you stumble over them. You
are regular, like a geyser spewing warm subterrainean waters or the
tide pulling trash onto the beach. Thats what i like about you; you
make it seem easy somehow. Be good to yourself in the meantime and
tell your ma and them i said hey.

Friday, June 6, 2014

the daylight, jesus(an old story, morning glory)

I wronged. They giving me dirty looks again. Talking about the
basement. Dont talk about the basement in front of me. The expected
slapping of my buttocks with the chain. The fiends. The stone-faced
nazis. I live in the halflight of one the top rooms-a tiny, dusty one
with red rosy wallpaper that would suit only a very old woman. I want
them and jesus to give me the unfettered daylight, so that i might
know it like i know the gloom, but they deny me. With good reason.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

more useless corporatespeak

we will have a meeting-a come to jesus meeting-about first principles,
something weve been ignoring around here. Byob. As always,
pornography will be proivided by your immediate supervisor. We will
have face time. And flextime. And face time on flex time. Asses
will rip. Pocket protectors will empty. Laptop batteries will drain
away to infinite nothingness. We will feast on the still-beating
hearts of our competitors, pillage their homes, rape their women, and
enslave their younglings. Again, good happy success comes to those
who grab it by its warm sweatty balls.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

an essay in the offing

with the barbarians at the gate, it is now time to think outside the
box. Any comparison of the two implies a complete misunderstanding of
each. Profit leverage and profit motive must align, or at least be in
the same fundamental neighborhood, or this company has lost its soul.
Good happy success is guaranteed if we follow these above outlined
principles. Founding principles give us the fuel to dream in the
darkness and climb out of bed with a mission statement like scorned
women. This isnt checkers, people; this is chess, and i say check.